Expect more German

In the future, I will start writing posts in German.
This blog has always been about my opinions on things. I've used it to vent my rage and anger, as well as my fears. It's been about my life, things I like and work on and an outlet for my poetry.

I chose to write in English because I like it. I write a lot of texts, mostly poetry, that I never make public.

Writing is always about my personal opinion and views on things. Lately, there has been a lot going on in Austria that I want to talk about. Using English for this seems kind of strange, I want my readers (which are very few, but who cares) to have it easy to follow the posts. I'll also have to use a lot of German terms that I don't want to translate because it's a lot of work.

To sum it up, expect German posts. I'll tag all posts with a language in the future and might add a menu to find them quickly.


Poem: Be Who You Are

Be who you are she said.
Sounds so easy, is so hard.
It needs passion, it needs art.
Feeding on this beating heart.

How can you be what no one is?
Be it an angel or the beast.
No one tells and no one knows.
Depths inside that you don't show.

I am what I am and I accept
whatever's hiding in this depth.
If you don't like it, so be it.
I lead my life how I see fit.


A Strange Mistress

Feelings are strange. Sometimes they just jump into your face out of nowhere, stay there for a few moments and then leave again. The hard part is to deal with these moments.

I haven't written anything in the last few months. Then suddenly, along comes an old feeling that feels a lot less intense than it did in my last life. Looks like I changed a lot.

Anyway, I decided I'd write about it. It's not a particularly good text and I just wrote it down the way it fell out of my head. It's not as refined as most of my texts which usually take a few days to a few weeks to be finished, if ever.

Loneliness, a strange mistress.

Unseen she's there, unfelt she stares.
Unheard she tells, she whispers and yells.

It's been awhile I've been with her.
Can't say at all that I missed her.

Just sits right there and stares at you.
Has nothing better than this to do.

The tainted smirk that's on her face
keeps telling me I lost this race.


Poem: The Devil is Moving

The devil is moving, it's out of control.
It broke my heart now it is after my soul.
It made me lose all my self control and forced me to endure the worst of it all.

It made me a devil I never wanted to know.
Took me to a dark place in my very own soul.
One day I broke out of it's tight control started a new life without all this sorrow.

The devil is moving but now I'm not alone.
I found an angel, a very kind soul.
It showed me that there is still so much more to know, feelings to share and wonders to behold.

An untainted being without the control,
over my mind, my body and soul.
Accepting my life without prejudice or scorn but showing it's kindness it's trust and it's glow.

The devil I knew is gone and within all
The horrors that came just after the fall.
I learned to hold on to the good things I know, a daughter, a home and the people I know.

The devil is moving, launching another attack.
But this time I'm not the target for its wrath.
A new life can start and feelings now grow, for the angel of kindness, savior of my soul.


Strange Times

I'm having a rather strange year. Very different to the last one.

While the first half was terrible, in fact the darkest time of my whole life, but the recent past is the complete opposite. I can't remember that I ever had such a positive attitude. My usual mindset was pessimistic and often depressed.

Now, this is a little paradox because I'm in the middle of getting divorced. But I realized it's the right decision. When this is sorted out, I can start working on a new future. If I can be bothered that is. Right now it is good to just live happy, healthy and not have plans.

I am still getting used to feel good. Sounds strange right? But really, I actually never was this way. Maybe a few days or hours at a time, but never this long and never so deep. I can't even tell if this is the way life is supposed to be, I never experienced this.

I am a totally different person now. Most of my world views are still the same but my general attitude against life is the other way around. Right now life is a joy not a drag.

Now, this post might ring a few alarm bells for some people. Chill and let me explain something: Compared to my manic episodes, I can't really be bothered to work around the clock. In fact it's the opposite. I train a little bit more, but only in the weeks when I don't have my daughter. When she is around I don't have time for that. I learn too many languages at once right now. I noticed that and already consider cutting back. Personally, I don't think I'm manic at the moment. Buy keep your eyes open, just in case ;-)
See that? That's me being happy.
I need a witness to my life it wasn't this way all the time
-- Mindless Self Indulgence, Witness


Poem: The Wild Blossom

It's just a small and fragile thing.
Was born in an unusual spring.
It yearns for summer's tender wind.
It does not care what autumn brings.
The winter made this peaceful thing.

And then the blossom starts to sing.
Oh life, you are a wondrous thing!
Sun on my leaves, now does begin
another tale of grass and green.
Of how I love this tender stream,
the raindrops running down my skin.

Now the wild blossom grows in size.
It is still young but might arise,
might be the mightiest in size!
Or could just grow to normal size.

The gardener has to be tender.
The blossom needs a generous spender.
One that cares and will defend her.
It also needs a lot of time.
And maybe then, the bloom will shine.