Poem: the edge

i took a step to the edge today
toward a plunge into decay
another kill they’re going to say
alive a bitter thing to stay
reading the letter where she used to say
i love you, please live with me today.
and here i sit and write and cry
i never wanted it to be this way
i’m doing drugs to keep my sanity
to keep those thoughts away from me
this suicidal tendency sinks its claws into what’s left of me
i never thought i’d get this far
lost my last anchor and have no more straw
so please hear what i have to say
i know it’s stupid as hell as far as i can tell
and yet i cannot move my self away
this edge has been calling me so long
standing there and waiting for
another reason for a step forward to my personal hell
i never thought i could get into this mess
another joint for sanity, another glass to misery
writing lines no one will read
a way out of insanity
whatever happens now to me
it matters less and less to me
the drugs keep me together now
the thoughts tear me apart in whole
the broken pieces breaking more
and tumbling down the edge in front
it’s no solution - that i know -
and yet another step i do
Rectifier, how's the world supposed to be? Rectifier, take my hand and rescue me!
-- RA Rectifier

Note: I wrote this during a very dark period of my life. It's an almost unedited stream of consciousness type of work . I am now feeling a lot better.