From all the feelings that I ever felt, betrayal is the hardest to stomach.

I thought things were getting better. Was I naive again? I can't tell.

Nicole still sees him, has daily contact. Thomas Handschuh, a guy I once counted to my best friends, and whom I have never named as one of the sources of my misery, is still trying to botch my life. He just can't get the fuck out of my way and let me try to heal my family. I wanted to have him back as a friend. Not anymore.

I tried to support my wife in every possible way. I understood that she is hurting. But yesterday I figured out she is still in close contact with him. Heck, he was even in my flat. Sees her when she is at shows, goes to her performances at the theater and the party afterwards. While I am at home taking care of our sick daughter.

I have never felt more betrayed than now. Bring on The Great Destroyer.

This time, it's the last chance I am willing to grant to Nicole. I set her an ultimatum to cut ties with him completely. Today. If this doesn't happen,it's over. Simple as that.
I learned I can live without her, but I want her in my life. But not at all costs and not on the pretext of betrayal.

I was over this shit. I did not have hard feelings for anybody. Gave my best to maintain a very positive attitude and outlook for the future. Most of this was destroyed last night.

This time, it were not my own actions that pushed me back to the dark side. I am not to blame.

I am not willing to continue this way. I have no idea what will come out of this. But I will survive.