So this is it. After eleven years, I am single again. We had ten wonderful years and one troubled one. We tried getting back on course. First I was not ready, then she wasn't, still isn't. I just broke up with the person I love more than anything else (My daughter excluded of course. Alice trumps everything, all the time).
We decided to stop having a relationship for the coming month. Nicole needs to get her life together and this is the only way in which I can help. I trade my happiness for her well being. Love makes you do crazy things.
Nicole might be ready tomorrow. Or in a week or a year. And her decision might change just as quick. She is currently so messed up that there is simply no point in carrying on. I know because I tried. I gave my best but fixing a relationship is not a solo project.
I won't move out, we still live together but without the security or bonds of a relationship. I said goodbye to my old life today. When I return home I will most likely be a different person.
The good thing is that I already learned to adapt to life quickly. That's mainly due to therapy. I am preparing for a more lonely life and I know I will manage. It won't be nice. Reality is a harsh, cold and lonely place. And the universe does not give a shit about what you had to endure.
Nicole, I hope you learn to see a future again. I really want to be a part of it.