2015/07/11

Poem: The Devil is Moving

The devil is moving, it's out of control.
It broke my heart now it is after my soul.
It made me lose all my self control and forced me to endure the worst of it all.

It made me a devil I never wanted to know.
Took me to a dark place in my very own soul.
One day I broke out of it's tight control started a new life without all this sorrow.

The devil is moving but now I'm not alone.
I found an angel, a very kind soul.
It showed me that there is still so much more to know, feelings to share and wonders to behold.

An untainted being without the control,
over my mind, my body and soul.
Accepting my life without prejudice or scorn but showing it's kindness it's trust and it's glow.

The devil I knew is gone and within all
The horrors that came just after the fall.
I learned to hold on to the good things I know, a daughter, a home and the people I know.

The devil is moving, launching another attack.
But this time I'm not the target for its wrath.
A new life can start and feelings now grow, for the angel of kindness, savior of my soul.


2015/07/02

Strange Times

I'm having a rather strange year. Very different to the last one.

While the first half was terrible, in fact the darkest time of my whole life, but the recent past is the complete opposite. I can't remember that I ever had such a positive attitude. My usual mindset was pessimistic and often depressed.

Now, this is a little paradox because I'm in the middle of getting divorced. But I realized it's the right decision. When this is sorted out, I can start working on a new future. If I can be bothered that is. Right now it is good to just live happy, healthy and not have plans.

I am still getting used to feel good. Sounds strange right? But really, I actually never was this way. Maybe a few days or hours at a time, but never this long and never so deep. I can't even tell if this is the way life is supposed to be, I never experienced this.

I am a totally different person now. Most of my world views are still the same but my general attitude against life is the other way around. Right now life is a joy not a drag.

Now, this post might ring a few alarm bells for some people. Chill and let me explain something: Compared to my manic episodes, I can't really be bothered to work around the clock. In fact it's the opposite. I train a little bit more, but only in the weeks when I don't have my daughter. When she is around I don't have time for that. I learn too many languages at once right now. I noticed that and already consider cutting back. Personally, I don't think I'm manic at the moment. Buy keep your eyes open, just in case ;-)
See that? That's me being happy.
I need a witness to my life it wasn't this way all the time
-- Mindless Self Indulgence, Witness

2015/07/01

Poem: The Wild Blossom

It's just a small and fragile thing.
Was born in an unusual spring.
It yearns for summer's tender wind.
It does not care what autumn brings.
The winter made this peaceful thing.

And then the blossom starts to sing.
Oh life, you are a wondrous thing!
Sun on my leaves, now does begin
another tale of grass and green.
Of how I love this tender stream,
the raindrops running down my skin.

Now the wild blossom grows in size.
It is still young but might arise,
might be the mightiest in size!
Or could just grow to normal size.

The gardener has to be tender.
The blossom needs a generous spender.
One that cares and will defend her.
It also needs a lot of time.
And maybe then, the bloom will shine.